From the razor to the rosary

Unconditional Faith: 

Chapter 43:

"Never. Never. Never!" I yelled as I slammed the door behind me. I took off my jacket then hung it up. I felt extremely...extremely...I didn't even know how I felt at the time. My heart was beating in my chest at a speed that was so fast that I could hear it thumping up and down. I could see my chest heaving and that alone made me want to cry.

I scampered down the hall then found my room. I put on the light then closed my door. Once it was closed I leaned against it and let my head fall back. I couldn't think of any explanation for what he had said, the thoughts ran so quickly. Every single memory was a happy memory! Every single minute since I met him was a happy one!

"Ah!" I yelled as I started crying making my head fall down into my hands as I bent my back down to the level of my knees. I let my fingers run through my hair, removing them from my face. My left hand fell along my side as I stood up straight again while my right and was still in my hair. I sniffed once as the tears made their way down my cheeks elegantly.

Why do guys hurt girls? Is it like a game to them, do they find it entertaining to see how we cry? They make and break everything they touch! "God!" I exclaimed in the open as I wiped the few tears away from my eyes. I looked around in my room examining every corner, after I realized I was being pathetic for crying about a guy that doesn't want and most likely doesn't even deserve me - I walked to my closet while taking a few deep breaths. Just when my hand grazed the knob of my closet there was a knock on my door and then it opened.

"Skylar" I heard a voice that was filled with confusion "I didn't expect you back this soon, are you okay?"

I shut my eyes tightly and took another profound breath just before I turned around and forced a smile upon my face. I opened my mouth to speak but my words failed me, as I saw Danielle standing there looking at me with her big blue eyes I started crying again. I fell against my closet door with my shoulder sliding down to the floor "J-just...go. I-I'm fine"

"Well obliviously I can see you are not" She stated frightened and ran to me tugging at my arms so I would stand up. I looked up towards her and tears started racing down my face, I tried to stop them but I couldn't, I wasn't in control - my heart had taken over. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to my level as she knelt in front of me and at that moment I wrapped my arms around her tightly because I needed her. More than anything I had to feel her embrace because a best friend is the only cure for a broken heart "I am so sorry Sky"

"Don't be y-you don't have to be" I told her while we still had our arms enfolded around each other

"But I knew what he had said and I should've told you" I heard her sniff "I should've warned you at least but I didn't!"

"No it's not your fault, nothing is" I said and let go of her looking at her

"I just can't stand seeing you cry, it makes me want to cry" She sobbed and got up before she pulled me to my feet as well "Ai, you want to talk about it?"

"I don't think there is much to talk about; after all you saw the press conference. I watched it just when I arrived and then I reacted on it. He started making up excuses telling me I don't understand and I told him goodbye. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say, if he never wanted me from the beginning then he should've said something. I mean there's no need in sparing my feelings now is there?" I asked rhetorical

"Everyone was shocked when they heard what he said, Melody and I called them once they were done. They just whispered and couldn't understand why, but they left it" Danielle explained to me

"It doesn't matter anymore" I claimed and sat down on my bed falling back giving a big sigh "I guess I just feel really betrayed by him. Everything I did for him, the way I trusted him, things I told him. It's tough to make a relationship work I know that, but no one can say I never tried"

"If there is one thing you've taught me it is that you should never fully trust a man, because somewhere, somehow he finds a way to always screw up" She said and I chuckled softly "I was surprised that he was able to sweep you off your feet"

"Yes me to, maybe that's why I gave myself to him fully. Because he made me feel things I never felt for any other guy. Just when we use to mention his name a few years ago it made my stomach turn, and when it happened for real that he liked me - all I saw were hearts all over" I explained to her as I thought about it for the first time

"You still never told me what exactly happened on your first date. How he got you to trust him enough so he could...well undress you." She asked curious coming to sit next to me

"To be honest I don't even know" I shrugged at her "The most beautiful words were coming out of his mouth, he was such a gentleman, asking me if he could be my first. I was paralyzed by it all. I hesitated but when he kissed me..." I told her with a small smile appearing on my face "When he kissed me I knew he was the one. I became lost and I wanted to feel him close to me"

Danielle put her right hand on my left and I looked at her "Sounds like a fairytale"

"Pff...I don't remember any fairytale ending like this." I stated "Oh no wait I forgot, I'm the wicked witch of the west's daughter" I pouted

"Are you okay now?" She asked me

"I think I am" I sat up and smiled confidently "If I could tell you about our first date without shedding one tear and without my voice cracking up I'm sure I'm over it" Danielle gave me a scarce look raising her left eyebrow

"I'm not so sure about that, I know you love him with all your heart. He was your first and you have been through a lot together with your family and all. I'd say you're scarred pretty badly, I know I'd be" She spoke freely and when her eyes met mine she saw I was scowling at her

"Well it's time for me to lock up all of my thoughts, emotions and feelings into a little black box and lock it throwing away the key along with the box. I have already wasted enough tears on him. I'm not a teenager anymore life goes on" I claimed firmly

"I'm still not convinced" she said making herself more comfortable "Tell me about any other memory you had with him"

"Okay, let me think" I sat there thinking of a good one that was really special to me "Well there was this one night when we were in South-Africa and we sat outside in the night sky and he told me about how special I was to him"

"No, I'm talking about a memory that made your toes curl and your knees weak"

"Wow, there were actually loads of them" I sighed running back in time "When we went to Switzerland, there was this one night were he had planned this romantic evening. You know candles, rose-petals just the whole package! I beat him to the room and saw everything, and then I decided that I would put on that skanky lingerie Jamie bought me"

"Oh God" She chuckled briefly

"I doubted for a few seconds before putting them on" I assured her "Anyway, when he walked in he was looking down but when he looked up and saw me, it was like he saw someone he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, a person he truly loved" I started staring into space folding my hands on chest "Time stood still. Then he kissed me, he's so gentle...his breath was hot on my skin as h-his...hands grazed my...b-bo-dy" my voice tightened up and tears came strolling downhill once again "See I'm fine" I lied

 "Aw baby" She held her arms open and I went to lie down in her lap

"I believed him when he said he loved me" I somewhat screamed hysterically "Danny, I'm not okay" I told her and she laughed briefly

"You don't have to be, I understand. I am here for you like you have always been there for me" She said low while running her fingers through my hair "Just close your eyes"

 ******

"Morning" Gerard greeted with a low and groggy voice. He stepped into the kitchen while his mother was making breakfast. He sat down at the table across from Mikey who was busy drinking his beverage and just held up his hand waving

"Morning my boy" She squealed excitedly full of life as his father walked in through the back door with the paper in his right hand

"It's rather cold outside today, cloudy and rainy. Just miserable actually" His father said once he was inside and shook of some drops from his jacket before removing it.

"Well at least nothing can ruin this day" Donna smiled broadly walking over to the table with a pan in her hands "We are expecting some important news, or rather an important answer" she started scraping out some scrambled eggs on Mikey's plate

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes; Mikey saw the expression on his brother's face and knew immediately that something was wrong and decided to change the subject quick "Mom, what's with the big breakfast? I mean we have bacon and eggs, yogurt, toast and pancakes" Mikey frowned pointing to the food with his index finger and his mother slapped his hand

"Don't point at your food" She firmly claimed before walking back to the stove placing the pan down neatly "I just thought I wanted to get up, and surprise my family you never know when we have to celebrate something" she hinted walking back to the table placing a white mug in front of Gerard with the words "Congratulations" printed on it. Gerard rolled his eyes just keeping his head down as his mother took a seat next to him. "Let's eat"

"Maybe we should wait for Skylar?" Their father suggested

"That really won't be necessary" Gerard said low picking at his eggs with his fork. Mikey sat there in silence examining his brother's body language

"Phish-posh! The girl has to eat, build up her strengths" His mother said "Especially after last night I'm sure."

"Yes, tell us about last night - how did the proposal go, son?" Their dad asked

 "It went...not quite the way I had planned" he answered them then turned the mug around so the "congratulations" faced the other way before he took a sip.

"That's okay, I'm sure she loved the jester! No matter how it's presented" His mother grinned widely "She must still be sleeping, poor dear. I remember how exhausted I was after you proposed to me" Donna took hold of mr Way's hand and looked into his eyes lovingly

"Do I, you wouldn't let me sleep. After you said yes you made me the happiest man alive" His father stated before he pecked their mother softly on the lips

"Ew please stop doing that" Mikey scrunched up his nose before he took another bite of his toast

"But to get back to the subject, how did she react? Is she thrilled?" His mother asked curiously "She must be"

"She's uhm..." Gerard frowned placing his left-hand on his forehead looking down

"Ah it's going to be just great having her as a daughter, like the daughter I never had" His mother said again and the ire kept on building up within in "She'd make a breath taking bride"

"God could you just stop talking already" Gerard jumped up from the table agitated by the things being said. He marched out of the kitchen towards his room. He walked over to the drawer that was placed against the wall and started digging through it, once he found what he was looking for he grabbed his jacket making his way through the house to the front door. He leaned against the porch boulder opening the box he held in his hands and took out one before lighting it.

"Thought you were done smoking" A voice said from behind him as he looked over his shoulder blowing out the smoke he inhaled

"Past tense" Gerard answered him boorish before he puffed on the little white stick again

"So...I take it things didn't go exactly the way you hoped it would go?" Mikey asked him carefully because he sensed it was a touchy subject

"Oh my God, you're so observant!" He replied sarcastically as Mikey walked up next to him

"Don't get cocky with me. I'm trying to help you out here" Mikey put his hand on his brother's shoulder nudging it gently so Gerard would look at him

"If you want to help me, you could maybe get Skylar back. Or even better, you can rewind everything until the part where we are at the press conference so I could stop myself from being a complete and utter jackass!" Gerard yelled

"Ah, press conference. Knew that would come up in this conversation somewhere, just thought it would be a lot later" Mikey sighed and sat down on the little step "What's stopping you from getting her back, hm? Gerard you love this girl and here you are moping like an idiot being mad at yourself"

Gerard kept quiet for a few seconds before he sat down beside Mikey "You want to know what's stopping me from getting her back?" he asked as Mikey nodded head "You have no idea how much my words hurt her. You have no idea how I had to see Skylar burst out in tears and yell things at me; she couldn't even bare me touching her. Said I disgusted her. I hurt her so badly after I promised her I wouldn't!" Gerard's eyes got teary "I broke her heart, I broke the woman that I love and seeing her cry like that haunts me, and knowing that I'm the one who caused those tears in those beautiful eyes...it's just..."

"I'm very sorry to hear this, but you shouldn't have said that to the whole world, what did you think was going to happen?"

"I don't know, not this that's for sure! I want to go over there and just take her in my arms and hold her, dry her tears away and kiss her gently. I want to wake up next to her. I want to stand in front of that alter seeing her walk down the aisle looking beautiful as always...but I can't!" He yelled angry

"You screwed up, we know that. You have to correct this you can't just let the love of your life get away this easily. Not everyone finds their true love Gerard" Mikey stated before getting up

"I can't"

"Okay I have tried to play it nice" Mikey declared before grabbing his brother by his shoulders and lifting him to his feet pressing his back against the boulder "Listen here, and listen good. You are Gerard Way and you will not sit here walking around feeling sorry for yourself. You fucked up, everyone does. When you fuck up you learn from it, correct it as best you can and move on! Now fix it!" Mikey told him and walked back inside.

 Gerard stood there with eyes wide. He was shocked by the fact that Mikey could lift him up like that. He also knew his brother was making a lot of sense and that he couldn't just give up without fighting.

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